I'm Not Sure How To Feel About This

This site is funny/sad/makes me feel like an asshole for laughing...

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com

GO AMERICA!!!

ShamWow Guy Beats Up Cannibal Hooker

I stole that headline from Gawker, because really, you can't make a better headline than that. It pretty much sums up the entire story AND it's hilarious. So there you have it.

Anyway, that creepy ShamWow dude (real name Vince Shlomi - he also hocks the appropriately named Slap Chop gadget) paid a hooker to sleep with his scammer ass. He gave her $1000 for "straight sex" but the lady cannibal had something else in mind and bit his tongue.

Apparently, she wouldn't let go until he Slap Chopped her ass in the face a bunch of times! After which he ran to the lobby of the hotel where they were doing the dirty and called the police. The Smoking Gun got hold of the report, which basically says what I just summed up for you all... good shit! It also has mug shots of the woman, if you're interested... she's kinda hot, for a cannibal hooker anyway...

Fuck the President(s)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Obama to America: Yes we Can, but Not For at Least Four Years

Yesterday, President Obama held a press conference (third one in 65 days, I believe -- slow down buddy!) about the economy, supposedly in order to promote/defend his bailout.

He started off with an inspirational speech saying things like: We're all in this together, the recovery is coming, we all need to be patient, etc. etc. basically telling us that all would be well by the end of his first term in office (he says first as if there will be a second - we'll see...) Essentially, it was all the smooth talking we've come to expect from our gracious leader.

But when it came time to give the floor over to the press and answer those hard-hitting questions we were all sure were coming from the mass media, what we got was a bunch of soft-core crap. Even the more hateful reporters (like Major Garrett - nice name, douche -- from darling FOX, of course) were still just lame ducks, basically spoon-feeding the President redundant and meaningless questions, effectively giving him even more time to simply repeat his plans with no real accountability.

Further, many major news sources were left completely out of the picture. The New York Times, who has a full transcript and video of the conference, were conspicuously absent from the questioning process, as were The Washington Post and Wall Street Journal (hello!?!), among others.

Instead, we had someone from Univision asking about border control. Like we'll be able to understand his answer in spanish! Sheesh!

Anyway, having now been greatly affected by this shitbag economy and not seeing any quick fix in the near future, I just want to say that Obama can hold as many prefab press conferences as he wants, but when it comes down to it, the proof is, as they say, in the pudding. So in a year from now we may all be rich, riding high on a new economy. But that's not likely. What's more likely is that in a year from now, when we've all moved in with our parents and defaulted on our student loans, Obama will be there, holding his 100th press conference, repeating the same mantra of patience on the part of the little people.

Remember, people: Sacrifice starts at home. As if we could forget!

Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O'Reilly

And so does my second husband, Jon Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Bill O'Reilly's Right to Privacy
comedycentral.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Sweet Jesus I love The Daily Show.

Winnie Cooper Got Married!

And no, it wasn't to Kevin Arnold, which makes her wedding a total sham! Winnie and Kevin forever!!!!

Anyway, she married some boring music composer in LA over the weekend... oh yeah, and her real name is Danica McKellar (as if you didn't know!)

Anyway, just for fun I've posted what I consider to be the single best clip from The Wonder Years. It's just so sweet, and further proves that Winnie and Kevin MUST be together forever... otherwise the world is just not right.

If you all are too lazy to watch the whole thing, skip to the 2:30 mark and go from there, but be warned: you're only hurting yourself by not watching the whole thing. It's an important life lesson, y'all!

Lady GaGa is a Dumb Asshole

What kind of stupid, no-pants-wearing skank face would actually admit to wanting to be a groupie? Especially when they're already famous?

The very same skank face that thinks she would ever have a chance in hell at being with John Lennon. That's right, Lady GaGa's dumb ass actually thinks she could have given the amazing Yoko Ono a run for her money.

Year, because she's just so artistic and original, right? And obviously cares about important issues, like how to get away with wearing pantless suits, nose jobs, and shitty pop music.

In a recent interview, the obviously delusional 'singer' said:

"I'm quite sure that if it were 1968 I may not be the Lady GaGa that I am today. I might be arguing with Yoko Ono and trying to win John Lennon's heart and chasing The Beatles in a bus on LSD, hoping that one of them hands me a microphone one day."

Lady, who the fuck to you think you are? Please! To think you'd even get that chance! You egotistical moron!! Geez! Yoko Ono might just have to come down out of her Ivory Tower at the Dakota and regulate on this pantless turd. For reals.

ps. I changed the title of this post to say asshole instead of whore, because I'm trying not to be (overtly) sexist in my shit talking these days...

Morrissey is My Twin!

So yesterday I went to the gym with some friends, and one of them pointed out that my shirt had a sweat heart on it. I turned around in the mirror and, sure enough, my back sweat was in the shape of love.

Which makes sense, really. I'm so damn cute I ever sweat in a sickeningly sweet way! Hey, don't laugh at that, jerks!

Anyway, so today I'm looking through my gossip blogs to see what I can steal for this here bloggy blog, and what do I find but a picture of Morrissey with the same sweat pattern on his back! Which obviously means we're soul mates. He may be a middle-aged homosexual, but still, the sweat heart wants what it wants!



And no, I don't have a picture of my own sweat heart, because what kind of loser would document that (either that or I ran out of picture space on my phone...) but I do have the picture of Morrissey, so enjoy!

My Little (Awesome) Ponies

This is totally rad. Some artist whose name escapes me right now (google that shit you lazy asses!) somehow managed to make My Little Ponies even better by turning them into our favorite on screen characters. How dope is that? Edward Scissor Hooves is obviously the best, but Joker Pony is pretty cool too.

ps. sorry for the blog absence, but I've been on vacation in a mostly internet free zone... but I'll be back to my posty self come Thursday...

Guido Beach

The Italian in me is deeply offended by this video. Every other part of me finds it freaking hilarious!

Tell me This isn't Cute

And I'll say you have a cold, black heart!

ps. why is this on college humor? I thought they only posted pictures of chiefing and half naked sororohos...

I'm Just Sayin'

(Click the image for the full effect)


It's like the Pope has become my personal punching bag lately... but you know what, Pope? If you don't want to feel my wrath, then don't say dumb ass things or look like a goddamn Sith lord, okay? Just sayin'...

Ozzy Osbourne Has a Variety Show... Yeah, I Know. Lame.

Ozzy must be off the rails on a Crazy Train if he thinks this shit's going to fly! The Osbourne family (with super classy matriarch Sharon Osbourne) will be airing their new variety show on Fox at some time in the near future (do you really care enough to have me research exactly when? Didn't think so).

That's right: Sharon, Jack, Kelly, and Ozzy will all be a part of some Sonny and Cher shit show on Fox called Osbournes: Reloaded. Well shit, maybe their show will be a hit after all! I mean, with a name like that, how could they fail?

The only problem is, Fox has decided to only give their first show 40 minutes instead of an hour! And if it doesn't go well the show could be canceled after only 2/3 of a full episode.

That would set a new mark in pathetic (not that watching Ozzy shuffle around like an invalid on MTV was exactly fun to see, but still).

Fox are a bunch of Snowblind Fairies (that) Wear Boots if they think it's okay to disrespect Ozzy (Sharon) like that! He ate the head off a bat once!

And for those of you who don't get it, I don't normally call people Snowblind Fairies... they're Ozzy songs! Get with the program! Geez...

Anyway, here's a clip of Sharon being a classy lady on some other shit show... I wonder what it's like to be like 60 years old but still have the mentality of a 15 year old? If nothing else, we can all see what it looks like:


Rock of Love Charm School Reunion Fight - Sharon Osbourne Vs Megan - For more funny movies, click here

Ever Wanted to Become Celibate?

Or perhaps try bulimia? Or maybe you've always wanted to kill yourself but have never found the proper motivation. If you said 'yes' to any of these, have I got the thing for you!

Festering shitbag Bill O'Reilly is a fucking dick. Sorry, that's beside the point, but it had to be said. Anyway, he's also an author of some erotic novels. Which makes perfect sense, him being the moral, upstanding person he is.

Anyway, Billy Boy here has made an audio recording of one of his finer works, "Those Who Trespass" (my loins are a quiver at the title alone - ew, just writing that made me cringe!) Not only did he allow an audio book to be made, he actually narrates that shit himself!

And now you see where the killing yourself comes in.

I can't find a way to put them on my blog, but if you're really into masochism (which is what I hear his next book is all about - yay!) then click here. But be warned: it's pretty funny, but also extremely disturbing. People like this douchewad shouldn't even be allowed to have sex, let alone write about it in such gory detail..

The Pope is an Idiot

Yeah, I said it. And with good reason.

Today, Mr. Pope man decided that if people want to stop the spread of AIDS they should not look to condoms, as not only do they not help the problem, but according to resident scientist/researcher Pope, they actually make the problem worse.

He of course didn't explain his reasoning, nor did he offer any other options besides abstinence. You would think someone as tight with God as he is would have a little more information... geez.

He also wants the world to come together in "international solidarity" for Africa in the face of the global economic crisis. Why this ties directly into Africa, I'm not sure, and I'm not sure he knows how either. And again, he offered no real solution for the situation... but hey! He's the Pope! Do his bidding!!

More Monkey Related News

This time from Malaysia, where a man mistakenly shot his neighbor because he thought she was a monkey. Why he would shoot a monkey in the first place is beyond me, and how he could mistake a woman for said monkey is even weirder, but hey, she was in his tree stealing fruit from him, so she deserved it! Right??

The woman was hospitalized with a stomach wound (ouch) but is said to be in stable condition, and will live to see another day. Only now she'll have to get her fruit from the market like the rest of us.

More about it here: Don't shoot the monkey!


ps. I'm totally referring to the post I did about the racist cartoon of the chimp being shot, and not about the Obama Fingers, if anyone wants to know.

Hungry? How About Some Delicious Obama Fingers?

A company in Germany has recently come out with a great new product honoring our President Obama. They love him so much that they decided to name a food product after him (and a delicious one at that!) So they came out with Obama Fingers, chicken pieces coated in a batter, fried, and frozen so you can just heat and enjoy from home.

Now, this company says they had no idea their product could be seen as racist, and says they were in fact trying to honor Obama and Americans because "Americans are more relaxed. Not like us stiff Germans, like (Chancellor Angela) Merkel," Judith Witting, sales manager for Sprehe, told SPIEGEL ONLINE.

Does this remind anyone of the South Park Chinpokomon episode where the Japanese were trying to brainwash kids into bombing Pearl Harbor through toys? Every time parents would complain about the toys the Japanese would tell them how big American penises were in comparison to Japanese penises so they would let their kids play with the toys?... I'm just sayin'... I see a connection.

Anyway, regardless of whether or not it is meant to be racist, those little Obama fingers sure look tasty... and if they're looking to up their sales with the ladies, I can suggest a few other parts of Obama's anatomy they could name food after...!

Read about it here:EAT OBAMA

Nobody Ever Said Models Were Smart

Which some of them may be, but in this case...

Evil Empress Tyrannosaurus Banks planned to hold auditions for America's Next Top Model in New York yesterday, but instead a riot broke out (which makes perfect sense if you think about it - those ANTM girls are crazy).

Tyrannosaurus was looking for the next top model - but only for those ladies 5'7" and under. Yeah, because you'll really have a future in fashion if you're 5'5" just because Tyra says so... riiiight. What a gimmicky waste of time!

Anyway, the trouble all started when, after many of these wanna be beauties did the unthinkable and slept in the street to get a good spot in line, some lame ass ladies tried to cut in front of them!

Then, people had to start pissing themselves, because if they got out of line they would lose their spot. Then, people started passing out because they were getting smashed in line and couldn't breathe!

So, we have pissed off skinny, presumably catty girls sleeping, pissing, and passing out in the street in New York. Sounds like New Years Eve, right? Minus the gallons of booze, that is...

If that wasn't bad enough, some genius saw a car overheat in the street and yelled "There's a bomb!" And that's what the video shows the aftermath of.

Of course some of the pigs there popped power boners and started tackling models in training, arresting three for inciting a riot. Six others were treated on the scene, and poor Tyrannosaurus had to close down the auditions... But at least she's got a reason to cry this season! One of those girls could have broken a nail! The humanity!!

This Makes Me a Happy Little Cynic

According to the Huffington Post, ratings for many of CNBC's shows, and especially for Jim Cramer's show, have gone down in the 9 days after Jon Stewart slammed the shit out of him (and that assface Rick Santelli - fuck that guy!) on the Daily Show.

The Huffington Post says the findings are extremely preliminary and may not have anything to do with Stewart's skewering of those assholes, but I like to think there is in fact a strong correlation/causation. Here's what HF has to say:

"In the first three days of this week, CNBC's Business Day programming block was down 10 percent in the key demographic of adults 25-to-54 versus the same period the week before, and down 11 percent among total viewers. Meanwhile, Mad Money was also down 10 percent in the 25-to-54 demographic, but only 4 percent among all viewers -- suggesting that maybe some of those bored college kids who watch Jon Stewart did, in fact, tune in to find out exactly what is the deal with this Jim Cramer character."

So maybe some of us "bored college kids" wanted to take a look at the freakshow to find out exactly why Stewart is throwing pies at the morons at CNBC. But now, when all is said and done, will the ratings continue to sink? Let's hope so!

Here's Cramer doing a piss poor job at damage control on the Daily Show on Thursday (the first half, at least...). Could he lick Stewart's a-hole any more? What a doucher!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

You Can't Bleed a Turnip

Sorry for the delay in blogging... my body got it's ass beat by a flu the last few days... but I'm back! And with a story about MC Hammer, no less.

Some suckers over a Simon and Schuster paid Hammer to write a book years ago, and, as we all know because it's not on all of our bookshelves with multiple dog-earned pages (because you know Hammer's got some great anecdotes we'd want quick access to), that shit never came out. Hammer, if you can hear me: That is NOT too legit, buddy.

Now, according to the New York Daily News, these geniuses are actually trying to sue Hammer! I guess they gave him a $61,000 advance for that shit, which was supposed to be entitled "Enemies of the Father: A Message from the Heart On Being a Family Man."

WHAT THE FUCK? Seriously, you ask MC Hammer, the man in the genie pants with 4,000 of his closest friends and family members dancing on stage like crazy people, to write a book about being a father? What the hell is wrong with you morons? Even if he wrote it, who would want to read about daddy Hammer? Especially with a title like that! It sounds like some lame supermarket book by Ed Begley Jr.

If he wrote a book about dancing like a dope ass madman, or how to be Legit, I would read that shit in a quick second. But fatherhood? Was he trying to kill his career? Oh wait... right...

Anyway, you can't bleed a turnip, and Hammer's a bankrupt little genie man, so he probably won't be giving them any money any time soon.

If you're like me and you just love Hammer (I really do remember being just old enough to love Hammer Time) you can check out his blog (with a link to his twitter -- awesome!!). He calls his posts "Blasts"!!

OH HAMMER!

Joaquin Joatch is Up and Running!

I've got another blog (because I obviously don't have enough to do) and it's all about Joaquin Phoenix!

Check it out, and if anyone wants to become a contributor, you know I'd love the help! Joaquin is everywhere, so it'll be hard to keep up by myself...!

xo Cindy

joaquinjoatch.blogspot.com

File This Under: Who Gives a Fuck?

Damn if they don't look like the football quarterback and head cheerleader... gross.

18 year old baby momma Bristol Palin has gone against god and broken up with her meathead baby-daddy, Levi Somethingorother.

I guess now that mommy isn't going to destroy the free world (haha, free world) it's okay to admit that she is now a single parent (as well as a dumbfuck).

Again I ask, who gives a fuck?

This is Some Zoolander Shit

Hey PETA! If there was ever a time to save the animals it's now...! Some "designer" asswipe decided to murder a bunch of helpless muppets in the name of "fashion". I'm sorry for all the quotes, but I just can't call this moron a designer for reals.

Seriously, they wiped out like half of Kermit's family... and what the fuck is that woman doing with Animal on her head?

Either this is some lame ass ploy at getting kids into wearing fur, or an ever lamer attempt at 'edgy' fashion... either way, the joke's on you! All the way to the bank...


BAAAH.

This is GOLDEN

There is nothing I can add to this that would make it any better. Just read this shit, try not to laugh while in class as I just did, and thank the technological gods for the internet, so that we can all enjoy things like this.

(If it's too small, click the image and it'll expand)

Jennifer Aniston tries to be Angelina, and Suprise, she Fails

Oh Jennifer Aniston. You get an A for effort, but try as you might, you will never be Angelina... in my opinion, that's not a bad thing, either...

Apparently Ms. Anistonopolis (look it up, it's her real last name) is not a huge fan of ferrets, which makes her double lame (as a former ferret owner I can tell you they are fucking awesome pets). She discovered this while filming that shit bomb movie, Along Came Polly (with Ben Stiller -- bad move buddy!)

However, Jen apparently loves the doggies, despite her childhood poodle biting her all the time because she tried to ride it -- which is understandable. I'd bite her annoying ass too.

While talking about how she just loves her two dogs, she decided to throw in a little tidbit about how she adopted them:

"...and now I have two
wonderful dogs. One of them, Dolly, was rescued from Mexico."

Aw, Jen, you're just like Saint Angelina now! Saving doggies from poor countries where they'll never get a proper education or be able to reach their dreams... good for you! Somehow, though, dogs just aren't the same as kids (although I'd rather rescue a dog than a child, but that's just my child-hating black heart speaking).

It's one thing to adopt a dog rather than buying one, and I give her kudos for that, but who the hell cares that it's from Mexico? Does she really think it's even close to the same thing as a child being "rescued" from a poor country? REALLY? What a pathetic attempt at reaching Angelina's Saintly status. Try again, Aniston!

Also, can I just say to both of these "Saints": why don't you do the truly responsible thing and adopt from your own country, you ethnocentric assholes?

That is all.

Washing Machine Ultimate Feminist Device, says Obviously With It Vatican

According to the Vatican, which consists pretty much exclusively of men old enough to remember a time before electricity, has decided to send a message to the women of the western world: you would be nothing if it weren't for the washing machine.

That's right, ladies. It was not the pill, nor working outside the home, nor any of the others bullshit "reasons" behind us being emancipated and treated as "equals" (yeah, because we're totally equals now. Sexism and racism are officially OVER. Word.). It was the most ridiculous reason of all: that we were given god's gift of the washing machine.

Apparently, without this machine, we would be chained to the home, working our fingers to the bone trying to get out all those nasty stains and such. Thanks to technology, however, we're free!

The article, which came from the official Vatican newpaper, Osservatore Romano, is entitled, “The washing machine and the emancipation of women: put in the powder, close the lid and relax”. If that title isn't proof that we're no longer living a sexist world, then I don't know what is!

The problem I have with this article, or rather, this idea, is the same problem I have with all ideas like it: why are women the ones "emancipated" by the pill, the washing machine, or working outside the home? Why is this even an issue in the first place? Why are women the only ones held responsible for their children, their homes, and being responsible for their reproductive actions? And laundry especially (I fucking hate doing laundry!)

Okay, I won't rant anymore, but I think we can all see how antiquated the Vatican is in general, and especially when it comes to women's rights, lives, or placement in society. In short: Wake up, Vatican. You dickheads.

More on Why I Hate Shepard Fairey

After reading this, you may hate this turd licker too.

Fairy, who has made himself a household name through stealing images from everyone from Andre the Giant to Barack Obama (or the associated press, whatever) clearly has no problem appropriating the work and images of others to boost his own career. But, if you even think about putting the word "obey" on something you want to sell, be ready to get threatening letters from dickbag's lawyers telling you to cease and desist.

At least that's what happened to Pittsburgh graphic designer Larkin Werner, a man who has sold $70 dollars worth of merchandise over the last three months (big money in this economy!), some of which happens to use the word "obey" on it. His merchandise consists of little kewpie dolls in Steelers outfits that say "Obey Steelerbaby" on them. Kewpie Dolls! And 70 dollars! What, do they want a cut of the money?

Fairey's business partner came to this jerkface's aid, but really only made them sound more corporate and lame:

"At the surface, it's really easy to say [Fairey] is a hypocrite," acknowledges Chris Broders, Fairey's partner in the Obey Clothing brand. "But where it starts to get tricky is when people take the 'Obey' mark and try to sell it. That's when it crosses the line."

Yeah, like when you take Andre the Giant's face and use it to make money? Or when you use Obama, or Bush, or...? Seriously, it's easy to say Fairey's a hypocrite because he is! And a fuckface, I might add.

It probably cost Fairey's bitch ass well over $70 to have his fancy pants lawyers draft and send the letter! But the real artist (Werner) in this equation says he and his doll will move on without a fight.

"He's taking it all in stride," jokes Werner. "He's not going to be hung up on some street-gone-corporate artist."

Amen to that.

Judge Judy Makes Me Laugh

Even when she doesn't mean to. Apparently someone put together a few of the crazy judge's sound bites and started prank calling people, who then become very angry... and the hilarity ensued. I'm not a huge fan of the racist, sexist imagery on these videos, but the sound bites are funny enough to overlook that crap, I guess.



This second one is not quite as funny, but the TV salesguy shows just how far someone will go to provide good customer service...



Why did nobody realize that this was Judge Judy? I thought everyone in America knew who she was... some people are just so out of the loop!

Who Needs a Movie?

Now that I've seen this dynamite video advertisement from Fred and Sharon, I'm pretty convinced everyone needs one! I think it's Sharon's expressive and convincing oration that really got me on board... I can't wait to have them make me a movie!

"Videos can make your life go better!!" Genius.

Sorry, Rush

Ha! This shit is snarky and shitty and funny! Let's all do what the Republicans do whenever they upset Rush Limbaugh and apologize to the glorious man! Here's a little background so you know what I'm talking about:

Michael Steele became the chair of the Republican National Committee just a month or so ago. Then Limbaugh's disgusting hate-mongering ass took the spotlight away from him for a second, so Steele, being the grown up that he is, had to say something nasty about Limbaugh (don't you just love the way Republicans think?) He called Limbaugh an "entertainer" and said that he, not Limbaugh, was the de facto leader of the Republican party. Then he had to go and apologize to that fat nasty turd so mornoic Republicans everywhere wouldn't have sex with their cousins in protest, or whatever backwoods middle of the country republicans do in protest.

Apparently he's the second (or possibly third?) asshole who's had to apologize to Major Asshole recently, so now the Democratic assholes on the other side have made a mock lettere that we can send to Rush himself! So here's the link: Sorry, Cockface

Go for and mock the republicans!! Kick them while they're down... you know they deserve it!!

California Prop 8 Supreme Court Arguments Live RIGHT NOW

Streaming until 12pm... check it out and cross your fingers they do the right thing and throw this filth the fuck out!!

http://www.calchannel.com/images/tcc_live.html

Damn I Love Jon Stewart

Speaking of TOTAL hotties, here's one of the most amazing men in comedy/politics today, getting crazy on those fuckers over at CNBC. This, much like the Letterman rant about McCain when he canceled his appearance, just goes to show how bad it can be for these fucktard guests when they decide to flake last minute.

The clip is long, but it's worth a watch... if you just can't make it through, at least skip to the last minute or so for the "Fuck you" finale... golden.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

Actor, Stoner, Hottie, and now, Writer

Finally, an actor whose book may actually be worth reading got a book deal!

James Franco, who I would find a lot hotter if he didn't remind me of one of my older brothers, is writing a book of short stories (no, it's not a fucking memoir or some b.s. political rant, thank god!) It's an actual book, written by the actual celebrity, and having nothing to do with his personal life (at least not directly... you know what I mean! Give me a break, it's early!)

Franco is also a grad student and NYU (AND he takes classes at Columbia). Which means he might actually be a smartie too. Which makes him even hotter.

Too bad it's not an erotic novel, because I think that shit would sell like hot cakes! Women would be flocking to supermarket shelves for that shit. As it is, Mr. Hottiepants will instead try to forge his way as an actual writer, and who needs another one of those in the world... hello, we have TV! (Oh yeah, and blogs...)

This is What TONS of Cocaine Will Do to You

Robin Williams is in the hospital and is being treated for heart problems of some undisclosed sort.

Well, that's what happens when you use cocaine for 10+, 20+, 30+ (wait, how old is he?) years...

Seriously though, I hope he gets better soon so I can go back to hating him without feeling guilty because he's dying.

Click here for some other blog's story about it.

Now This is a Dedicated (and Bat Shit Crazy) Mother

Does anybody watch Nightline? I'm just wondering if my demographic consists of grandparents or what. Really though, I'm wondering because there's going to be some crazy shit on there tonight about some bat shit insane woman who led a double life to get close to a juror that convicted her son of murder. You heard me.

Her real name is Doreen Guiliano, but she called herself Dee Quinn in an attempt to get close to a man named Jason Allo, one of the jurors who sent her son to prison. There's more, but the jerks at ABC aren't telling us until after Nightline airs. Bastards!

All I know is that woman in the picture is a liar! She had to put on fake eyelashes every day so he wouldn't recognize her. (How could eyelashes be the deal breaker? Are they like Batman's mask or something? And how did that ever really work? Bruce Wayne's friends must have been IDIOTS... but I digress, sorry).

For those of you who aren't quite geriatric, I'll go ahead and post more about this as details come out. Or if you happen to watch Nightline and are willing to admit it, send me an email and tell me what happened! I'm dying to know!!

UPDATE: Okay, so she got dirt on this juror and is now filing a motion for a retrial for her son! Craziness! Among what she got out of this guy:

Among other things, the motion accuses the 33-year-old Allo of concealing that he had personal knowledge that Giuliano's son, John Giuca, ran with a rough crowd, and of defying orders to avoid news coverage once the highly publicized proceedings started. It argues that Allo "admitted the outside information he obtained about the case prejudiced him against Mr. Giuca."

Damn, it actually worked. Holy shit!
GO Crazy Mom Lady!!

Because It's Cute!!

It's a pink dolphin! How cute is that? Actually, apparently it's an albino dolphin, but it looks pink, so whatever, pink it is! Just wanted to share the cuteness...

In Other Related News: Pigs Fly

Snoop D O double G has joined the Nation of Islam as a peace advocate. Let's say that again: Nation of Islam. PEACE advocate. SNOOP DOGG. Okay, okay, wait: Girls Gone Wild (Doggy Style, of course). Accomplice to murder charges. The Chronic! CHRONIC in the blunt hanging from his mouth!! And now, Nation of Islam? Talk about a 180...

WHAT THE FUCK? I'm finding the nearest bomb shelter, because the world is clearly coming to an end.

Read about it here: WTF???

HBO's Black List: It's Not What You Think

HBO has come out with a new documentary, and it looks really, really good. It's called the Black List, and it features some very prominent African Americans in our culture today talking about their lives, their experiences, and, of course, their race (or how they identify with it, or in some cases, how they don't).

I could post about it myself, or I could go the easy way and point you all to Jezebel for the full report as written by someone far more articulate than myself.

I will say this, though: if you are into Angela Davis, Maya Rudolph, Kara Walker, etc... then check this shit out! It looks pretty good. I can't wait for it to get posted to the internet so I can watch it... stolen cable. Fantastic!!

Oh, and here's HBO's site for it... who says TV can't be good for you?

Why Isn't Seth Rogen Naked??

This is why I love this little comedy crew. They are equally clever and hilarious. Whoever thought this up should get a fucking cake.

Except for one problem: they aren't actually naked. With the exception of Johan Hill (sorry dude, but you're just not cute) I would love to see any (or preferably all) of these men naked. And when Scarlett Johannsen and Keira Knightley were on the cover they got to be naked... so what gives?

Jason Segel already gave us hilarious full frontal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and Seth Rogen had sex (albeit mostly clothed sex) for Zack and Miri, so what the fuck guys? Why no sword fighting on Vanity Fair?

Well, regardless, this shit is magical and if Vanity Fair was always this awesome I might bother to read it once in a while... maybe. I'm definitely getting this issue though, as it's dedicated to these hilarious boys, along with some other very funny people... Check it out at Vanity Fair's web site...

Because it Takes a Real Man to Beat up a 15 Year Old

I really, really dislike the police. I understand the necessity for order within our society, but the police have never been the way to create or maintain that order, and in fact have taken and continue to take the integrity of our nation and our legal system down the toilet on a nearly weekly basis. The only reason pigs aren't caught doing fucked up shit on a daily basis is because they, like any well run system of organized crime, are good at not getting caught.

However, in this case in Seattle, they slipped up just enough to catch a few of their shining stars beating the hell out of a 15 year old girl. A little girl who, for all of her big talk (you can't hear it but we were all 15 once...) cannot in any way defend herself from these two large, aggressive, out of control thugs, er, policemen... no, thugs.

This type of shit just makes me so sick to my stomach. Anyone who is paying attention must be living their life in fear. I know I do almost every day because of this shit. I hate to have to rely on the fact that I'm female and white and look a certain way in order to avoid being harassed, jailed, beaten, or worse. I know Oscar Grant is big in the news right now, but the fact is that this shit just goes way beyond that. Always has, always will?

So here I am doing my part to get the word out about this despicable, retched, evil shit. These two men should go to jail for a long time for their abuses of power and hurting such a young, helpless person for what, kicking a shoe at them? Give me a fucking break! If you are so inclined, please go to the Seattle police web site and send them a message telling them that we will not stand for this bullshit! That the officers responsible for this should be taken off of paid leave and jailed as anyone else would be.

If we don't stand up to this shit, who will?

Hey Pot Heads! It's Time to Celebrate!!

I would have made that one word, but potheads just looks weird... anyway, let's all celebrate! Why? Because Eric Holder, the new Attorney General (and weed lover) has declared the DEA will no longer perform medical marijuana raids! YAY!
The government is finally allowing the people to decide for themselves (at least on the really important issues, like who gets to smoke a fatty and eats some totally rad cheetos).

Last November, fellow closeted pot head President Obama said

“My attitude is if the science and the doctors suggest that the best palliative care and the way to relieve pain and suffering is medical marijuana, then that’s something I’m open to. There’s no difference between that and morphine when it comes to just giving people relief from pain.”

When that fuckface was in office over 30 dispensaries (I love that they are called dispensaries) were shut down and many of the owners/operators were arrested and charged with drug related crimes. But now with the new policy in effect, let's hope that many of these people will be released and allowed to go back to helping people get zooted (I mean, relieve their pain and suffering)...

I'm not even going to get into all of Obama's other lovely policies and decisions, because for now I'd still like to pretend that he will be the change we want to see (thanks Gandhi), but in this case, GOBAMA!!

That is an Ugly Pussy

Get your mind out of the gutter! I'm talking about the cat! This cat's name is Ugly Bat Boy (that's not even cute of clever... wtf people?) and he lives at a vet office in New Hampshire. Apparently Bat Boy had an ugly twin sister, but she died as a baby (sad). So now he is king of the ugly ass cats. Click here for a video of this ugly, shaved pussy.