May 30, 2009

They've Ruined Him!


When I see pictures of Robert Pattinson my mind goes to a happy place where there are no clothes allowed. When I see him shirtless it's no longer my mind doing the work (wink, wink). So you can imagine how excited I was to see his topless pictures from the upcoming Twilight film... until I saw this shit.



Look at that shit! They painted on his abs! What the hell is that shit about? Why would they ruin such a beautiful flower of a man with fake muscles?? Especially since he looks like he'd look just fine on his own...

It's like taking a perfect diamond and setting it in a fucking cracker jack ring! Damn it!!

Even so... rawr.

May 26, 2009

Phyllis Lyon says it will all be alright...




Well, California, it's official: you suck. I'm not going to go crazy here talking about how disappointing it is to see hatred written into our law books (not that this is something new. But still...) but I will repost something from the LA Times written by Phyllis Lyon, one half of the first gay couple to be married in San Francisco (thank you Gavin Newsom). It's an interesting take on the issue, and preaches patience in the face of adversity. Good shit. When an 84 year old widowed lesbian tells you it will all be alright, how can you argue?

From the LA Times:

On Feb. 12, 2004, more than 50 years after they met and fell in love, Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin were married, the first gay couple legally wed in San Francisco after Mayor Gavin Newsom announced that he would allow same-sex marriages in his city. Six months later, that marriage was voided when the California Supreme Court ruled that Newsom had overstepped his authority. When the court ruled in 2008 that gays had a right to marry under the state Constitution, Lyon and Martin returned to San Francisco City Hall, where, on June 16, Newsom performed a second wedding for the two. Martin died in August, before California voters passed Proposition 8, a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage once again. In early May, as the state waited for the court to rule on the legality of Proposition 8, we asked Lyon, now 84, to recall her life with Martin.



Del and I met on the job up in Seattle in about 1950. We were both working for a publishing company.

One night, Del and I and another woman decided to go and have a cocktail at the press club. We were sitting there yakking and somehow got on the topic of homosexuality. I had no clue about lesbians at that point. I had never even heard the word. My other friend, Pat, didn't know any more about the subject than I did. Finally, one of us asked Del, "How come you know so much about this subject"? She said, "Because I am one."

Well, that was very interesting.

Some months later, Del and I were in my apartment. We were sitting on the couch in the living room when she made a sort-of half-pass at me, and I made a pass back. That was the first time I'd ever had sex with a woman. I didn't fall madly in love instantly. But I really liked Del as a person.

After I moved back to San Francisco, she started coming down from Seattle more. She asked me if I'd consider becoming a couple. I said, gee whiz, I didn't know. I really hadn't thought about settling down.

She went back to Seattle, but we kept in touch. At some point, I thought, why not? It's not necessarily forever. I drove out to the ocean and sat there and wrote a note to her saying that if she still wanted to, I'd like to get together with her in San Francisco. It turns out that, at about the same time, one of her friends in Seattle said, "Why don't you just drop that dame, she's never going to go with you." Del was seriously thinking about dropping me when she got my letter.

I rented a small apartment for us on Castro Street. It wasn't a gay neighborhood back then. We had some problems getting along in the beginning. Both of us had been living alone for a long time, and we weren't used to having to think about another person. She kept leaving her shoes in the middle of the living room, and this annoyed me. One time I threw one out into the backyard. That didn't help.

At some point, a friend gave us a kitten, and I've always said that's what kept us together that first year: We couldn't split up because we couldn't figure out how to divide the kitten.

This was a time when you didn't talk about being a lesbian. You'd get fired. But I said when I went to work full time at an import-export firm that I wasn't going to lie. I wouldn't make up men that I was dating.

After a couple of years, we wanted to move someplace quieter. One day, we were driving along and saw a house for sale, and the man wanted $11,000 for it. We didn't have any savings. We were both making maybe $300 or $400 a month, and that's not much. But we just knew we had to have that house. We got it -- with its wonderful view.

The one thing we couldn't find was lesbians. We wanted to meet other lesbians, so we had been going to the bars, but we were too shy to go up and introduce ourselves. Then, at an after-hours party, we met a lesbian, and we got a chance to talk to her.

A few months later, she asked if we'd be interested in helping start a highly secret society for lesbians. We said, of course. That was the beginning of our involvement in the whole movement. We were supposed to recruit others, but Del and I didn't know any other lesbians. We did finally that first year get a few members, but it was very difficult. You couldn't advertise in the paper.

Del and I had full lives. We were both Democrats, and from the time we got together we were involved with the Democratic Party here in the city. We used to sit around with Nancy Pelosi and stuff envelopes. And we knew Phil Burton and his brother, John Burton, and Phil's wife, Sala, who took Phil's spot in Congress when he died.

We never even thought about getting married back then. It didn't become an issue for a long time -- in fact, it never was much of an issue for us. The gay rights movement was new, and there were so many other issues. We wanted a law that would keep people from getting fired because they were gay. We wanted a law that made it illegal to throw people out of their houses because they were gay. We were feminists, and a lot of the feminist movement was opposed to marriage because the institution gave men power over women. We hadn't really thought about marriage, and we'd certainly never thought about getting married ourselves. It wasn't an option.

Then, in 2004, it all bubbled up. A day or so before Mayor Newsom announced that San Francisco would allow marriages, we got a call saying we were going to be the first couple. I don't know that anybody asked us. It was just, you're going to do this. They had picked us to be the first couple.

Kate Kendell [executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights] came over and picked us up. Luckily, each of us had just gotten a new pantsuit. Kate whisked us down to City Hall and into Mabel Teng's office. She was the recorder, and she was the one who was going to do the wedding. We realized we didn't have rings. Who'd thought about rings? We borrowed them.

Teng married us. Then Kate took us upstairs to Newsom's office -- we'd never met him before -- and he kissed us and hugged us, and then Kate whisked us past the reporters outside City Hall and into the car and took us home. We got home around noon. We looked at each other and said, "We're all dressed up, what are we going to do?" I said, "I don't know, but there's not a damn thing in the house for lunch." So we went down to our favorite restaurant by the waterfront. It was all very peaceful and calm.

It didn't really surprise us when the court stopped the marriages. We thought it was pretty stupid and that they'd be sorry one day. We became part of the suit challenging California's ban on gay marriage.

By the time the Supreme Court ruled again that gay marriage was legal, we were more involved in the issues. We were once again the first couple married in San Francisco.

Del died a few months later, before Proposition 8 passed. She died a married woman. As far as I know, we're still married. They haven't ruled yet about the people who got married, but most people think they're not going to cancel those marriages.

I'm optimistic about the future. Look at all the states that have now done this. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. They may not all last. But it's going to be all right. It may not be while I'm alive, but eventually it will work out that if two people want to get married, they can get married and it won't matter to whom. We went through this before with people of color. It will be OK.

May 22, 2009

Bye Bye, Penis





The other day my friends and I were talking about dicks. Well, one of us was talking about dicks, and the other two were listening attentively (conversations about dicks always get my attention...)

Anyway, she kept calling the man part in question a penis, like she was a doctor or some shit. She's kinda a newbie with dicks. so we laughed about it and forgave her, but that shit was funny!

But, speaking of penises, some cheating boss/secretary duo got majorly caught cheating when the car they were having 'the oral' in got backed into by a van and the woman bit the man's penis off!

Now this is some serious shit, and an appropriate time to being calling it a penis (although you could call the guy a dick for cheating).

I guess when this all happened the couple were being followed by a Private I (or, also known as a PRIVATE DICK... hahaha just realized that. AWESOME!) who was hired by the woman's husband to catch the cheating duo.

Shit, you know it was the husband driving that van! Ultimate scorned lover's revenge! But the boss gets the last laugh here... now the secretary will never get that raise she was 'working' for! Waah Waah Waaaaaaahhhh!

ps. I want this DVD. For reals.

May 21, 2009

Part of Our World...



Okay, a show of hands of those who can (or at one point could) sing all the lyrics to all the songs on Disney's The Little Mermaid. Yeah, it's okay, be proud! You are not alone.

But, if that movie was a part of your childhood, prepare to feel dated, because that shit came out 20 years ago! Our lovely teenage Ariel just had her 20 year anniversary this month, and boy do I feel older than I should right now!

And, to make matters worse, Gremlins is celebrating its 25th anniversary! As I say this I am looking at my Mogwai dolls and weeping on the inside. It's sad to think of my childhood toys as vintage, but, well... shit.

May 20, 2009

Seriously America? You Fucking Motards...


Goddamnit I fucking hate little teeny boppers right now! They stole the American Idol crown from the man who truly deserved it (Adam Lambert). Instead, it was given to some Jack Johnson wannabe Christian mid-western fucktard (Kris Allen).

Seriously? You fucking douchey little girls and you're "he's so cute with his sideways mouth and lame guitar strumming bullshit!" You all make me want to PUKE.

I am officially done with American Idol. I almost got away this year, but thanks to idolthreats.blogspot.com (which stopped posting mid-season, you jerks!) I got hooked again, only to be let down inthe finale... and now I owe Fina $10 too!! Fuck me!!

American Idol sucks because America SUCKS!!

So there.

Angelyne is Getting Oooold




The shining star that is Angelyne was seen out and about in Los Angeles today in her famous pink corvette. The natural beauty was out buying groceries or some shit... who really cares? The point is that this beautiful flower is wilting with age! Her boobies are still perky, and she's managed to maintain her barbie-esque figure, but her face... well, is her face. And her face is old!

I guess I've always just believed those billboards her boyfriend/sugar daddy/whatever put up all over town a year or two ago making her ass look young and lovely.

I'm not one for putting down other ladies, and there's nothing wrong with getting old... I'm just saying that these pictures surprised the hell out of me!

May 19, 2009

May 14, 2009

BLOG HIATUS

What, you hadn't noticed?

It's true, I will be taking a blog hiatus for about another week. I just got home, started a new job, my internet is kinda shitty right now, and an old friend is in town and we're hanging out a lot, so my witty remarks and hilarious one way banter will be put on hiatus until I get my shit together... probably sometime next week. I'll post about it on facebook to let all you faithful readers know, but keep checking back as well as I tend to post things randomly as I have time...



xoxoxoxo Cindy

May 11, 2009

This Woman is Amazing


Turn the volume down for this shit, unless you're into terrible, insanely repetitive music. But be sure to watch because this lady is fucking RAD. She's not even sexy, she's just hard core amazing.

When I grow up, I wanna be a bitchin pole dancer!!

Happy Mother's Day you Pervs!


This is some funny shit right here...

May 8, 2009

At Least He Had His Hankie in His Lap


I never thought I'd be reposting something that came off of Ashton Kutcher's goddamn Twitter, but hey, even morons get it right once in a while.

Anyway, here's a little story before we get to the goods. About six months ago I was taking a walk around the lake in Oakland, just minding my own business, when I noticed a man in his car (a Buick, no less), masturbating. He was a big, fat man, and I actually saw his penis. I felt dirty for like an entire week. Seriously. That shit scarred my ass for a long, long time! I don't know that I'll ever be able to ride in a Skylark again... sigh.

So when this video showed up on the interwebs today, I was a little apprehensive. But then I watched, and I laughed, just like the annoying dude filming this poor pervert.

It's amazing how sex will turn a bunch of 'office workers' into 15 year olds... and it's funny how quickly I take that ride back in time with them. Enjoy...


EMBED-I Won A Math Debate - Watch more free videos

Two Puppets Talk About Exercise


May 6, 2009

Oh LAME LAME LAME!!




Why in the name of all that is the 80's would they ever dare make a new Karate Kid?? Is Hollywood really so desperate for story lines that they have to steal from the 80's? (of all eras! For fuck's sake!) Apparently, the answer is yes.

If you want to read the plot of this upcoming turd of a movie, click here, but basically there's a video-game-loving, skateboarding little boy named Dre (yea, fucking Dre) whose mom moves him to China because of the recession (seriously?), where he of course gets beat up, etc. etc. until he is taken under the martial arts wing of a kind old Chinese man, played by... are you ready... Jackie fucking Chan. WHAT THE FUCK?

Poor Pat Morita must be rolling over in his grave.

Really, what's next? I don't even want to list my favorite 80's movies on here for fear I'll jinx them into shitty remakes, but I swear to GOD if they touch the Goonies... heads will roll!

I'm just glad my brothers don't read my blog (jerks) because I hate to see grown men cry.

May 5, 2009

Ageism at It's Finest... Fucking Cops!




As a 20 year veteran, wouldn't you think that fucking dickhead would be used to hearing swearing from time to time? If that was my dad I'd be freaking the fuck out too! And then to have some punk ass, fat ass prude cop tell me not to swear on the phone?

What was this guy on? Seriously, can teenagers not have emergencies? What a prick!

May 4, 2009

Because an iPhone Isn't Decadent Enough


This is totally ridiculous. And yet, I see it becoming a huge hit at parties all over the Los Angeles area...