Dec 29, 2008
Lord of the Dance comes to NBC!!
Has anyone heard about this new show coming out on NBC called "Superstars of Dance"? Yeah, it's another dance show, only this one is kinda like the Olympics in that contestants from all over the globe will compete for a worthless, network-TV-show-issued trophy that will make them Lord of the Dance! Okay, maybe that's not entirely true as there can only be one Lord of the Dance, but you get the point.
The difference between this hunk of shit and all the other hunk of shit dance shows is that the plot of this one is totally convoluted and makes little to no sense even to those who created it. Nigel Lythgoe (duh, of course his evil self is behind this) says of the show,
"There'll be the eight countries in each show. So in some shows they'll put one soloist and one group. In another show they'll put a soloist and the duet. And this will break down and at the end of the day 16 soloists will have competed. They will be broken down into the semifinals by getting rid of the bottom eight soloists. And we lose two groups and two duets so that in the semifinals you will have three duets and three groups per semifinal."
Got it? Yeah, me neither. But who cares, it's dancing! Everybody loves dancing!
And here's the best part: The Lord of the Dance himself will be hosting the show!! That's right. Michael. Fucking. Flatley. The man who danced his way into the hearts of grandmothers the world over will actually be on prime time network television! My loins tingle in anticipation.
If there is a god (and I'm sure there is, considering this show is even being made) he will have The Lord of the Dance in a different silky flowing shirt each show, and each show we will all get to gaze upon his sexy white chest... maybe he'll even find a way to get sweaty so he'll glisten... mmm...
Okay, this is getting too gross, even for me. This turd parade starts January 4th on NBC... don't miss it! I know I won't...
Dec 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!! Or Whatever You Celebrate
Happy Merry Time everyone! Today I ate my weight in chocolate and got a wok from my mom. How could my day have been any better? So, to celebrate and share the joy, I'm leaving all you lovelies with a little treat. This song is, in my opinion, the greatest Christmas song of all time. Enjoy...
And ps. happy birthday Shane McGowan!
Dec 23, 2008
Bush's "Conscience" is stuck in the 1800's
So Bush doesn't really see a problem with detaining prisoners for indeterminate amounts of time, killing innocent children and families, or destroying the environment so fat asshole American twats can have their giant pick-up trucks freely polluting our streets, but he draws the line at women's rights.
He may not have been able to completely overturn Roe v Wade, but he's found a bullshit loophole so that he can take a nice bite out of our reproductive rights. Basically, he's passed a few "conscience" based rules (whatever the fuck that means) saying that if doctors, pharmacists, etc. have a religious or ethical dilemma with providing abortions, birth control, etc. they don't have to. Words cannot describe how angry this makes me, but at the same time it makes me excited for the new year and a chance for our country to start cleaning up the despicable state our country has been left in by this evil piece of festering dog shit. Below I have posted an email sent to me a few days ago in a mass email. I think it pretty much sums up how ridiculous and disgusting these new rules are. Enjoy...
A sad day for reproductive health
December 18th, 2008 by Lauren G.
The controversial regulation from the Department of Health and Human Services, now known as the “right of conscience” regulation, takes effect tomorrow. The regulation is a broad rule that allows workers in the health care field (including non-medical staff such as custodians as it turns out) to refuse to do their jobs based on “moral convictions” against certain medical practices. This regulation encompasses of course a doctor’s right to refuse to perform an abortion (such individuals are already protected by the National Research Act, by the way), but many other dangerous regulations followed suit:
Some methods of birth control (such as oral contraception, emergency contraception, and the IUD) can be defined as “abortifacants” because they can prevent implantation after conception. Medical staff who believe life begins at conception may refuse to partake in the prescribing of these medications, including a EC after rape or sexual assault.
Doctors, pharmacists, and other medical professionals are allowed to refuse to prescribe, fill, or provide comprehensive information about birth control if they themselves are “morally opposed” to it. Any clinic receiving federal funding cannot refuse to hire or take disciplinary action against these individuals. This measure consequently allows deceptive “crisis pregnancy centers” to continue advertising themselves as legitimate medical facilities, and lays a foundation for the Stop Deceptive Advertising for Women’s Services Act to once again fail in Congress.
Fertility specialists may refuse service to lesbian women, unmarried women, and any woman that the fertility specialist sees “unfit” for motherhood.
My question is, why stop there? Why not pretend sperm are “sentient beings” and redefine condoms as abortificants as well? Then doctors and clinicians wouldn’t have to deal with handing out all those pesky free condoms if they didn’t want to. Why not let doctors be “morally opposed” to women having more children than she appears to be able to support? Let them sterilize women at will! Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But the truth is, these new “rules” could open the flood gates for all sorts of new, outlandish redefinitions of reproductive options, from limiting access to birth control to creating a new culture of eugenics.
The obvious contradiction here is that it doesn’t work both ways. There is no regulation being proposed that would make crisis pregnancy centers hire staff that would discuss comprehensive family planning with clients, and yet a staff member that would work to the detriment of a legitimate family planning clinic’s mission has gained a sort of job security based on “right of conscience”. The real problem is that this idea of “choice” gets all mangled up in this conversation, and no I’m not talking about the choice of the patient. I’m talking about those who swore an oath to do their jobs but think they can “choose” when to put their medical duties on the backburner. They say prescribing or even talking about birth control is against their personal convictions. Well guess what? You’re a doctor, and your job is to assess situations from a medical standpoint, not a moral one. If a doctor is obligated to let living patients die because they requested a DNR order, they should also be obligated to provide a measly little birth control prescription with legitimate medical information if requested to do so.
The same goes for pharmacists. Let’s say I was a pharmacist and, for some bizarre reason, was opposed to the elderly treating their high blood pressure and therefore refused to fill Beta blocker prescriptions for clients over 65 years of age. You, the patient, have made the decision to take these Beta blockers, but I have made the decision not to give them to you. Discrimination? No. “Personal conviction.”
Why does it sound so crazy when discussing something as trivial as blood pressure medication but not when considering reproductive medicine? It’s outright misogyny, another facet of a culture of control over human lives that the Bush Administration has asserted time and time again, and it has not slowed in its last few months of existence. Discrimination is being repackaged as “personal conviction,” and with this new proposal, there are zero consequences.
Dec 19, 2008
Happy Birthday, Jakey-Poo
Fuck. Look at that face! This is the shit dreams are made of, let me tell you.
My friend Natalia (hi Natalia!) never really thought Mr. Sexypants here was all that hot, until she saw him walking down the street and his hotness STOPPED HER IN HER TRACKS. How many people have you seen in your life that are that hot? Seriously? That's what I thought.
I actually saw him once outside of Gingergrass in LA, and I think I peed a little (or was that pee? Gross, I think my dad reads this. Oh well, it stays.) But seriously. He's that fucking hot.
Anyway, it's Mr. Gyllenhaal's birthday today, and he's 28. Totally in my age group! Hmm...
Happy Birthday, Mr. Sexypants... And just one more picture, for me.
Dec 17, 2008
And Bronx Mowgli Thought He Had it Bad...
For those of you that aren't celebrity gossip obsessed losers like myself, Bronx Mowgli is the name Ashlee Simpson and her Oompa Loompa hubby named their poor child. Talk about hipster douchbaggery... yuck. And until today, I have to say I thought that was a pretty f'd up name. But now... Let me introduce you to this little Aryan Nation of Love (actually Aryan Nation is his sibling's name -- no joke), Adolf Hitler Campbell!
That's right. These two classy motherfuckers named their child Adolf Hitler. And this has not been a problem for them for some crazy reason until recently, when they tried to order a birthday cake for him and the place they ordered it from refused to write his name on the cake! I personally would have taken the job and written that lovely name on there with dog shit or snot or something equally appropriate. I know it's not the kid's fault, but ten bucks says he grows up loving that name and all it stands for.
I mean, look at those parents! They don't subsist off of Van De Kamp's and orange soda or anything... talk about WT. Shit.
Happy Birthday Adolf!
Oh, and I totally stole this shit off of Dlisted. Best site ever.
Dec 12, 2008
We Love You Bettie
Bettie Page has died at the age of 85, after suffering from a heart attack on December 2nd. Here's what her agent Mark Roessler had to say (from her website):
With deep personal sadness I must announce that my dear friend and client Bettie Page passed away at 6:41pm PST this evening in a Los Angles hospital. She died peacefully but had never regained consciousness after suffering a heart attack nine days ago.She captured the imagination of a generation of men and women with her free spirit and unabashed sensuality. She is the embodiment of beauty.
Bettie Page was seriously one of the most badass women of her time, and helped open the door to an entirely different kind of sexuality for women. She embraced being a sexy, bondage-loving woman, and helped so many others realize that they are too and that it's a good thing! No matter what you're into, you have to respect her for that. Not to mention nobody will ever do the pin-up/rockabilly look quite like she did (and I really wish some of you would stop trying... but that's for another post)...
Rest in Peace, Bettie Page. You were an inspiration to naughty women everywhere.
Dec 11, 2008
Another Awesome 90's Moment
I remember when My So Called Life was canceled, and I can tell you, Claire Danes wasn't the only teenage girl who cried as a result. I was a little young at the time, but the show still spoke to my 5th grade-already-boy-crazy-ass, as it did teeny-boppers across the nation. In honor of this wonderful show, and the 90's in general, I have posted the most quintessential, (arguably) best MSCL clip there is: Angela FINALLY gets Jordan to hold her hand! Awww...
It's moments like this that give me hope that nasty loser boys the world over will score girls way out of their league who are too insecure to realize the mistakes their making until it's too late. I mean, seriously, Jordan slept with Rayann for shit's sake! And even worse, who can forget his awful rendition of the Ramones "I Wanna Be Sedated"?! Just. Awful. But he was a hottie... go hotties! And GO 90's!!!
Dec 10, 2008
Virgin Mary in Brain Scan
You know, once I was walking to the Los Angeles County Museum (LACMA for you hip kids out there) and I saw an image of the Virgin Mary in a smudge of bird poop on a minivan. I even got that shit on camera! Too bad I gave the camera phone to my mom or I would dazzle you all with my awesome iconic poo picture. But, as an alternative, this brain scan Virgin picture is pretty dope too.
The story behind this is actually pretty sad (the woman is selling it on ebay - duh! - to help pay for her cancer and arthritis treatments because, surprise! She doesn't have health insurance), but the picture is still ridiculous. And hey, if somebody will buy a grilled cheese for what, $52,000, this brain scan has got to be worth something...
Is this proof that god really is in all of us??
The story behind this is actually pretty sad (the woman is selling it on ebay - duh! - to help pay for her cancer and arthritis treatments because, surprise! She doesn't have health insurance), but the picture is still ridiculous. And hey, if somebody will buy a grilled cheese for what, $52,000, this brain scan has got to be worth something...
Is this proof that god really is in all of us??
Dec 8, 2008
The C Word is Sick
I am dying of the stomach flu! But I will be done dying soon, and will resume my blogging duties as soon as I can sit upright again! So hold tight kiddies, and don't forget about me!
Dec 3, 2008
Sorry Aretha; Tina's the Queen
Okay, seriously, if this photo doesn't secure Ms. Turner's place as the Queen of Soul, then I don't know what could. Forget the fact that she's still got the legs of a 20 year old and quite possibly the dopest wig/shimmery leotard combo ever. All that shit's got nothing on the dark chocolate Thor/Conanesque bodyguard towering over her. That man is huge! Seriously, his thighs are like the size of her waist. Not to mention his fantastic getup. He looks like a gay member of the Roman army or something. Rad.
This photo was taken about a week or so ago, during her "69 and Oh So Fine" tour. She came out in this amazing costume to sing "We don't need another hero". Which may be true if that magnificent man is supposed to be the hero. I bet after the show Tina showed this sex prop the real meaning behind "69 and Oh So Fine"...
Maybe after she's done with Thor, Tina will in fact need another hero, and if so, might I suggest:
(I got this image after typing something like "hairy cock" into the search engine... which totally makes sense. Duh.)
Dec 2, 2008
Dear Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Go eat a Bowl of Shit
The behavior of those on television seems to become less appropriate every day. The Jerry Springer show paved the way for many useless, disgusting, and embarrassingly bad tv reality shows. The Real World has degenerated from a fun, interesting look into the lives of 20-something douchebags into screaming fuck/fightfests with whacked out sorority girls getting nailed by would-be date rapists. And Singled Out (yes, more 90's references) helped launch a multitude of ridiculous dating shows that have more soft porn in them than most Sharon Stone films. Not to mention that every has-been you can think of somehow gets a reality show on VH1 wherein you learn way more about just how petty and vapid they are than you ever wanted to know.
Yet, even with all of these horrible shows, I am somehow still surprised/angered when I see something like Elizabeth Hasselbeck telling Deepak Chopra to "go light a bowl of incense". The article pretty much sums it up, but really, I just want to point out how totally dismissive this c word is when talking about this very well educated and intelligent man's work and opinion, which is guaranteed to be better informed and thought out than anything that worthless douche could ever hope to conceive. Not to mention the fact that she completely mocks Indian culture (or her superficial conception of it at least) in an attempt to be funny, which she most certainly is not. The article is funny though, and makes her look like the racist, idiotic dickhole she truly is.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
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