Lord of the Dance comes to NBC!!

Has anyone heard about this new show coming out on NBC called "Superstars of Dance"? Yeah, it's another dance show, only this one is kinda like the Olympics in that contestants from all over the globe will compete for a worthless, network-TV-show-issued trophy that will make them Lord of the Dance! Okay, maybe that's not entirely true as there can only be one Lord of the Dance, but you get the point.

The difference between this hunk of shit and all the other hunk of shit dance shows is that the plot of this one is totally convoluted and makes little to no sense even to those who created it. Nigel Lythgoe (duh, of course his evil self is behind this) says of the show,

"There'll be the eight countries in each show. So in some shows they'll put one soloist and one group. In another show they'll put a soloist and the duet. And this will break down and at the end of the day 16 soloists will have competed. They will be broken down into the semifinals by getting rid of the bottom eight soloists. And we lose two groups and two duets so that in the semifinals you will have three duets and three groups per semifinal."

Got it? Yeah, me neither. But who cares, it's dancing! Everybody loves dancing!

And here's the best part: The Lord of the Dance himself will be hosting the show!! That's right. Michael. Fucking. Flatley. The man who danced his way into the hearts of grandmothers the world over will actually be on prime time network television! My loins tingle in anticipation.

If there is a god (and I'm sure there is, considering this show is even being made) he will have The Lord of the Dance in a different silky flowing shirt each show, and each show we will all get to gaze upon his sexy white chest... maybe he'll even find a way to get sweaty so he'll glisten... mmm...

Okay, this is getting too gross, even for me. This turd parade starts January 4th on NBC... don't miss it! I know I won't...